Illuminatus of the 'potami

first public update in for-god-damned-fucking-ever

2007-01-12T23:01:41Z

What's with me now? I constantly feel like I'm on the brink of slipping into insanity. I feel it's pull. I'm vaguely aware of my subconcious fight against it through distraction and self-control. Ignoring my problems can't be healthy, but sometimes simply BEING the change is enough to cause it. I've tried this thing, ignoring livejournal and self-reflection, which I had hoped would get me back on track. The reasoning? Focusing on my problems only makes them clear and real. It was a dumb idea. Now I can't sleep, I can't be alone with myself. I've forced myself to rely on social situations to feel, think, and act normally, and when those aren't there, I'm alone with supressed emotions. Now I understand why people have to fall asleep with the TV on. It's not all bad. I have fun with my friends. I love snowboarding, sitting out having a chat and a smoke, weed and liquor, schoolwork, education. I love the town, the snow, the people. I just need confidence. My insecurities are so incredibly large that they distort reality. Through my eyes, friendships are suspicious little headfucks, and life is a narrow, narrow window, cutting off hindsight, forsight, and peripheral vision. I can't explain it; it just is. This can't be. years and years of the good life (which, by personal definition, is a balanced life) can't be the lie. My NOW mentality is. I usually feel okay, but I always feel that I'm almost not okay... you know? I guess I don't care if people read this. I don't see why I should.

noahwanebo @ 2006-11-09T19:59:00

2006-11-09T01:59:42Z

It's strange this day is here. Rummie out, Democrats sweeping up power... it all happened so quickly. After so much bitching, ranting, and hollering at the Republican party, it's hard to imagine that they'll soon be the minority in congress. We'll find out if I have a new party to defend or a new party to bitch about. As of now, I think everyone's a bit curious what they'll do. There's little to go off of after so many years of Republican domination, but they're sure to fuck things up eventually. Yeah, I thought I'd have more to say too, but right now I'm just happy, and when I'm happy I don't rant.

college trucks on, life's alright, and I have homework up the ass.

noahwanebo @ 2006-10-04T18:48:00

2006-10-04T01:16:26Z

Livejournal, facebook, myspace -- all perpetuate this culture of phoniness. It's the perfect stage to display yourself, but more commonly to display how you want to be. Catcher in the Rye really makes me ponder some of this. People take pictures now. Not just any ol' pictures, but the angled, well-planned ones that frame them at just the right angle to look apathetic in a casual self-photoshoot. Yeah, that's the image we go for. They're pioneering new land with what they wear, how they stand, and the angles at which they take their photos, but they're still part of the same system they claim to fight. Poetry is fashionable, so people spew poetry in crappy prose now. Reading about the beat generation goes hand in hand with Urban Outfitters' new fall line-up, so people ponder On The Road to match their boots. Whores of the New Media. Slightly more independent than old media, but with the obviously reached potential for self-celebrity-status abuse. Celebrities are fake. They're an image. They're seen. They're scene. With cameras on them 24/7, their life is a massive publicity stunt. Now we have personal digital cameras, blogs, forums, networks. We have the power to make ourselves seen; the power to advertise ourselves and pull off celebrity status in our lil' network of myspace/facebook friends. I'm guilty, but not nearly at the same level as some. I'm charged with manslaughter of social-networ reality, but I am not a murderer. I don't thrive online, and I don't try to, but I DO have a facebook and livejournal. I think many of you, however, can recognize the fundamental difference between casual users like myself and the faces perpetuating this new pandemic of Fake.
Gotta go.

noahwanebo @ 2006-09-26T20:27:00

2006-09-26T02:28:11Z

I'm still alive, but I'm using the private livejournal setting, so to you all I might as well be dead. I still read yours though. I still read yours.

noahwanebo @ 2006-08-28T16:41:00

2006-08-27T22:42:28Z

Finally at CU. Love it.

My room.
My hall.
My basement wing. (that's why my ceiling is so high. Look at the difference between the basement and the other floors. My room is the middle window on the bottom floor. Perfect view of a wheelchair ramp.)
Farrand hall.
Farrand Field.

noahwanebo @ 2006-08-21T00:31:00

2006-08-21T06:35:18Z

There is always something terrifying about change; about a world always shifting it's social, political, and economic status quo. "The Clash of Civilizations" has me terrified for the future of liberal democracy, and stories as trivial as the JonBenet murder mystery give me that same fear of (and for) this changing, shifting, spinning world. The case is no longer a fading memory, a local conversation piece riddled with vague speculation, or a tourist attraction housing it's dead folklore in Boulder. It's a sign of our changing world. It's all over international news again, occupying the twenty-four hour news channels that thrive on sensationalism and the advertisement orgies that go with it. Capitalism and the Free Press. It's no coincidence that "News" is rooted in the word "new," and a ten year old case should not take precedence over the important, relevant events happening throughout the world; events that will shape and influence not only our society but the world order we're all so accustomed to. They thought advanced and interactive media would bring knowledge and global betterment. Instead it brought Russian porn, sensationalist stories of dead six-year-old beauty queens, and an incredibly potent new age of consumerism. Knowledge can spread to other countries, but it's their choice to acquire it. We're sinking deeper into our own culture, and as the World Super Power we share and usually lead other Western countries in global influence. Westernization will not happen anytime soon, however, and the backlash alone is changing nations more than any of our attempts to Westernize countries -- think radical Islam; the resurgence of it coming from the search for identity in the modern age as younger populations move to cities and lose themselves; radical ideas with the population boom of Muslim teens and young adults. We had a youth boom recently, though almost perfectly opposite to that in the Muslim world; ours came with flowers in gun barrels and rejection of most institutions. A fad perhaps. Nothing like the current Islam Resurgence that threatens all attempts to democratize the middle-east and creates it's own states within states with welfare systems, education systems, and strict Islamic institutions throughout the Muslim world. Fundamentalist Islamic ideas were accepted in the Middle-Eastern population because of the identity crisis that came with modernization and Western influence. That identity crisis led many to find solace in Islam, which helped them to reassert themselves, embrace their own Islamic culture (drastically different from our thousands of years of Western culture and liberal ideas, though just as deeply imbedded) and declared superiority to Western ideas and influence. They pride themselves because of their NON-WESTERNESS. And here we go, good intentions and all, trying to save them from ourselves. If only we could recognize that.
Unfortunately, we have no reason to recognize the world around us, and quite frankly I'm not offended by our apathy. It's natural. There's no threat to us at the moment (at least no threat accepted by the general population, though many argue that China and other Asian cultures pose an economic one, the Islamic Resurgence poses a social, political, and military threat, and government restrictions pose threats to the democracy we live in.) I wish like hell that Westernization would succeed. Modernization does not always coincide with Westernization or democracy (unfortunately) so while other countries modernize they sometimes grow away from Western culture, and their new-found economic power makes them more and more proud of their own culture, and the fact that it's not Western. I wish this weren't so. I believe wholeheartedly in democracy. I believe in the individual. I believe in human rights and social liberties, and a voice in our government. The social contract theory on a mass scale. I believe in freedom and a secular government governing a secular or non-secular society. I respect other cultures, and I understand why other cultures have developed from different backgrounds toward different social, political, and economic structures. I wish they all hadn't.
They're all their own cultures with their own backgrounds and underlying values; values that sometimes conflict with our Western ones. They don't have thousands of years of Western Culture. We come from Greeks and Romans, Christianity and the papacy, revolution and democracy. Our laws com from natural law, Christian values, and from influences ranging way back to Greek and Roman law and the magna carta up to modern day.
Not all cultures have our same history. Not all spawned from the same culture. In fact, all western societies (including Japan) have connections to the early Western cultures, or at least some variation of them, which goes to show that very few countries can jump the hurdles of their own history to achieve a liberal culture. Instead they embrace the hurdle, and declare its superiority to our own.
We're foolish. I love us, but we're foolish. I believe our society to be the best and democracy to be the finest system, but we can't embed thousands of years of history in other countries.
Sure, we have a consumer culture (despised by many, and declared inferior by all other civilizations on the planet), but it works to keep our society moving, the money to keep coming, and luxuries such as education and paved roads to keep us learned and our cars running smooth. I love it. I wish to bring democracy to other countries.
Reality fucks with everything.
Watch the news. Watch a ten year old murder mystery. Celebrate when its solved, or soak up all the evidence so as to speculate yourself. Entertain yourself. Trial, jury, conviction. The news is over.
Nothing's solved.

I'm tired.

noahwanebo @ 2006-08-07T00:52:00

2006-08-07T07:17:44Z

There's nothing left to pioneer. I engage myself every day in the mass media, in the news. I drive around suburbia with my friends, and explore the minor cultural differences across the megapolis that is the front range. Boulder's no Arvada, despite the connecting highways, neighborhoods, traffic flow, and skyline. The distance from the mountains. The county line is not nearly as divisive as the wealth. Differences in money mean differences in mailbox decor and front doors, house levels and gardens, street names and pavement. Nothing left to see but the distinction between the haves and the have-nots, and the physical manifestations of both. A picket fence to a chain-link fence. Oh, what an adventure.
I woke up in the mountains this morning, on a floor of a house in the foothills of Golden. I worked my job at Subway, sharing the demoralizing Sunday shift with a fellow employee as lost as I am in this country divided across fiscal lines. I left the tip jar untouched. She needs that dollar seventy-eight more than I do. Financial support from my parents is more liberating than the burden its made out to be by those on their own. My parents celebrate scholastic, physical, and intellectual independence. Money helps the rest.
CNN shows me my country and the world. I can't drive these roads with the adventurous spirit of the fifties, sixties, and seventies. Everything is too connected; media and information have exploaded, like the ocean life at the dawn of time. Adventure comes from the unknown. Nobody from outside the front range knows the minor details expanding across it. Small discrepencies keep me fascinated in my back yard, and from understanding the west, midwest, south, and east. The world is full of details. The details are unexplored, and the details alone. My writing's not descriptive enough to convey details. What else can be written? Politics make, shape, and entertain us. Everybody writes on politics. Political science is fascinating, though not new. Fresh ideas are hard to come by, just as mountain roads are hard to navigate. GPS would save us time and gas. A revolutionary moving map. Until we have that to watch, catch a glimpse of the passing forest and the peaks silhouetted by the moon.
Keep an eye out for the unknown, and study the signs telling you where you are every step of the way. Mile marker 36. Mile Marker 37.

noahwanebo @ 2006-08-04T01:08:00

2006-08-04T07:16:48Z

I'm never sure when to post my updates publicly. I've written so much in the past few weeks and all my updates have been private, though not for any reason. I just don't feel like sharing anything right now. Everything's too complex, personal, or boring to share with the world. I've been keeping to myself. I have, however, been reading everyone else's livejournals, and I've gained a better appreciation for others' updates from my newly secluded corner of the internet. I wish to ask you all, while fully recognizing the hypocrisy, that you keep updating publicly. I enjoy it.

noahwanebo @ 2006-07-10T00:12:00

2006-07-09T21:18:01Z

I'm not in a typing mood, but I haven't updated publicly in a while and I don't want to forget last night. No particular reason to remember it either, I suppose. I went to Al's house around 8, drank some coffee with him and Anthony, and went down to the gas station to buy cigarettes. The rain was at a perfect medium between a drizzle and a storm, and I couldn't decide which windshield wiper setting to use for the long ride down to DU. We played music the whole way, pondered the outcome of the night, drank coffee, and listened to my crappy Bixby CDs. We showed up at the house around nine. People were outside playing beer pong on a covered porch attached to a lone standing garage. Of course, it was a party of strictly "old school" "anchorman" loving college kids obsessed with lacrosse, who had some unspoken competition between them to see who could yell the lewdest thing in a low, manly voice. Drinking games were set up throughout and around the house, and everybody was playing something. Apparently college jocks like to turn drinking into as many games as possible -- god forbid they sit down and relax. I can't necessarily judge, but in a livejournal entry I'll think out-loud; my thoughts aren't bound by manners nor rationality in any diary/journal, so fuck it.
We lost at beer pong... terribly... so we drank our losings and went around looking for something to better entertain ourselves. We found Elliot -- an asian-American from a few houses down who heard the party and showed himself in. Of course Al and I couldn't hold back our laughter when stereotypes would slip from our mouths.
"How do you like the west?" He was from Vermont, so it made sense, though I obviously didn't think the question through.
"That's quasi cool."
"Kamikaze?"
The party was one giant screaming, yelling, squirming sea of testosterone, lapping around the attractive girls swimming in it. I would see one more reason to leave that house with every turn I took, though I was already drunk and we had no ride home. We made peace with the position we were in and declared a rematch with the beer pong winners from the previous four matches, though the cops showed up before we got the chance -- ok, a cop, and he was cool about the whole thing -- so we had to sit inside and figure out the night.
Elliot invited us back to his place (a whopping two houses down) so we wandered through the alley with five other kids, hopped the fence, and took our seat on the patio around the big glass table. They had an iPod set up on adapter speakers and they jammed out while tossing dice in -- what I can only assume to be -- a made up drinking game.
The night was good. We stayed out there for hours just listening to music, smoking cigarettes, drinking from the keg, and laughing our asses off at everything about the situation.
Needless to say, the douchebags who went over with us from the other party left us at the strangers' house and locked us out of their own. We went back around 3 in the pouring rain to find them all asleep and the doors, which we had specifically requested to be unlocked, locked.
That made things slightly more awkward. We went back to the asian house and fumbled with our words as we tried to ask if we could sleep on the floor somewhere. We ended up sleeping in an emptied out bedroom -- bedroom's a loose term, as there was no bed, no shelves, but only posters and other shit all over the hardwood floor -- where we could hear heavy metal blaring in from the room next door, along with the muffled yells and screams of the remaining drunkards playing GTA down the hall. We couldn't sleep with pantera blasting through the paper-thin walls, so we snuck in and cautiously turned off the radio. The passed-out girl, sleeping in the yellow glow of a lone candle, didn't seem to mind. I couldn't complain either. At least we had a roof over us that night. I curled up and tried to sleep with my head in the four foot closet. Al slept on the floor a few feet away. The situation could not have seemed funnier. Sleeping in the house of three asians, a starwars nerd, and some deadheads we met four hours earlier, on the floor, in a strange house, while being locked out of our original party was funny enough, but the minor details of the night made everything hillarious. Unfortunately, the small things I wish to remember are the only things I can't, making this whole entry one big fucking waste.
What a fucked up night. I can't do any justice with my writing, and I sure as hell can't intoxicate the readers so that they'll find any of this more than "quasi" interesting. Still...
bahaha.

noahwanebo @ 2006-06-27T20:32:00

2006-06-28T02:58:17Z

Orientation was about what I expected, only far less organized than I had hoped. I got half the courses I wanted, and that's only because Farrand has special reserved classes in the dorm for the residents. Without that, I don't know where I'd be right now. The nice thing, of course, is that my earliest class on Friday is 3 p.m, so I needn't worry about academics on thursday night. Wink.
My classes are the following:

ANTH -- Culture and Power (3 cr. hours)
EBIO -- Biology - Human approach (4 cr. hours)
Jour -- Principles of Journalism (3 cr. hours)
PSCI -- Intro into international relations (3 cr. hours)
FARR -- Banned Books (1 cr. hour)

That's 14 credit hours, and I knock off some basic requirements (CORE) such as 4 of the 13 hours of Science needed to graduate. I didn't get a writing class -- vaya pre journalism major -- so I'll need to take that, math, and my "deviance in US society" class next semester. The last two are available through Farrand, so I'm not worried.

I wandered into the Farrand basement with Cheryl and saw the hall I'll be staying in. I was surprised, and approved of it right there. The floor has only six dorms, and the hallway has a strange, low vaulted ceiling. Plus, the pool table room is 20 feet away, and apparently the RAs never venture downstairs. The downside, of course, is that my view is either of a wheelchair ramp from ground level, or a window well facing west. But then again, when would I ever be sitting by on a ledge, gazing out the window from my dorm? I'm stoked.
A homeless man on the hill, dressed in a dirty jacket and a hat advising "kids need hugs, not drugs" kept telling us of his pet fox and racoon, and the apples he feeds them from his "bag of tricks." Of course, he would cry when he talked about how much he loved animals, and cry harder about vietnam. Then, out of nowhere, he'd lay down one of his clean jokes; jokes he made sure we knew were appropriate from the get go.
"what does a bucked tooth dog say? Moof."
The University of Colorado. Those flatirons from that angle still amaze me, and the campus grows more beautiful every time I visit it. I'll be right at home there (no pun), and I can't wait for this slow, depressing, employed-by-Subway summer to end. I get to wear a sub costume and dance on Arapahoe this week. I won't disclose when for obvious reasons, but if you do pass me for some reason, give me a friendly honk.

noahwanebo @ 2006-06-24T20:14:00

2006-06-25T02:22:06Z

I recommend "An Inconvenient Truth" to everybody. Especially the republicans reading this who firmly plant their position with the GOP on issues like global warming, despite every scientist and peer edited scientific journal screaming the contrary. Save the planet? Stop gays? Which is the bigger moral issue? Who do you believe? Scientists or politicians?

I don't know how politically active any of you are, but if you believe in taking small steps (and two minutes) to give yourself a voice and your cause a chance, sign this petition. Yeah, it's from moveon.org, but don't let the name alone deter you. "This isn't a political issue as much as it is a moral issue." Democrats and republicans are fucking it up, and democrat and republican voters need to unite to hold them accountable so they start helping the people. Both democrats and republicans recieve money from the oil companies, and both want those donations to keep coming. And we ask ourselves why we're the only nation who hasn't signed the Kyoto treaty to stop global warming...

"Asian and European nations have strongly criticized Bush's decision in 2001 to abandon the Kyoto treaty, which commits 37 industrialized nations to cut gas emissions. Bush has criticized the treaty, saying it set unrealistic goals and could damage the U.S. economy. But other nations worry about scientific concerns that climate change could lead to severe floods and droughts, rising sea levels and an increase in malaria and respiratory disease."

Hell, even China did. We led the world in stopping CFC production, thus saving the Ozone layer from holes. Why aren't we doing it again? Because oil companies have power here, and they have our representatives as well. Make congress stop accepting donations from them, thus ridding themselves of the question between helping the earth and helping generous big oil... it might not work, but it's worth a shot.

PETITION:

With gas prices off the charts, an unstable situation in the Middle East and scientists warning that global warming is at a tipping point, it's fair to wonder, why aren't our representatives doing something about our dependence on oil? The answer is that politicians get a lot of money from oil companies not to.

That's why we're asking every member of Congress to go "Oil-Free" and sign a pledge not to take any money from the oil industry. Can you sign onto this letter telling your representative to take the pledge?

http://political.moveon.org/oilfree/

Until our representatives stop taking oil money, it's going to be hard to make progress on global warming and clean energy alternatives. I really hope you'll add your name to this letter.

Thanks!

noahwanebo @ 2006-06-18T14:13:00

2006-06-18T20:13:59Z

It's fathers day. I woke up early and went for a hike with my family (only my dad, my sister and I made it to the end) and went out to lunch to celebrate my pa's existence. I love my dad. I'm so blessed to have such a funny, caring, compassionate, liberating, loving father, who wants nothing more than for me to be happy, educated, and living life the way I see fit. We got him an iPod, and he broke into tears of joy. That's my dad for you.

I need to start using the mountains again. They're so close, and so beautiful.

I took these on the hike. I recommend the trail.
I'm not fond of the colors in the pictures. It was morning, and most of them are facing east, so the sun glare affected the camera. Still, it's a beautiful place.

only now does this picture give me a terrible sense of vertigo.

The royal arch

no matter which way I turn this picture, it's not right; it was taken at a strange angle.

Anyone wanna go hiking? It starts at Chautaqua, and it's called the royal arch trail. It's a bitch to get up, but well worth it.

I'm excited for next year.
To give those of you who don't live here a sense of the mountains/boulder, this is from boulder looking south/east. The city looks much lower from up there than the mountains do high from down in the city. I took this at the creek fest.

Then there's this zoomed in picture I took months ago of a new CU building, which looks much more accurate, even though the mountains came out oddly large.

...and they wonder why I love this beautiful, liberal city.

noahwanebo @ 2006-06-15T05:32:00

2006-06-15T12:06:41Z

Yeah, I feel like I just let a friend down terribly. It's 5 in the morning, and neither Al nor I woke up to our shitty fucking ass phone alarms. We were supposed to say goodbye at the airport to georgie today, but like the rest of our plans in the last 24 hours, it fell through miserably. My dad came down not too long ago to wake me up, and I have no idea how we both slept through. Hell, Dave called and megan texted, and my alarm probably went off, but nothing woke either of us up -- nothing but a good shaking from my Dad.
I know that it's not how a friendship ends that counts; it's the friendship itself that's important. Still, I don't know how I could feel more shitty right now, and I don't want Jorge's last memory of me to stem from the shattered hopes of seeing us before he leaves at the airport. Christ, I am so mad at myself right now. I'm waiting for him to call back -- he's in the suitcase check or whatever -- so I can bid him farewell, but it's not the same over the phone, and that's a terrible way to end a good fucking year. Hopefully he can look past all this, but if not, I can't really blame him.
Christ, this entire last 24 hours we had planned for him was the perfect storm of failures, sometimes our fault, sometimes others... like kinkos. FUCK kinkos.
I let a good friend down.

noahwanebo @ 2006-06-14T16:16:00

2006-06-14T22:19:56Z

Hello, job at subway. Hello, Haircut. Hello, 105 degree weather. Hello, normal sleep schedual. Goodbye, unemployment. Goodbye, curly locks. Goodbye bearable temperature. Goodbye, 4:00 A.M.
Goodbye, Jorge.
I'd better start swimming or I'll sink like a stone,
for the times they are a'changin'.

noahwanebo @ 2006-06-12T15:42:00

2006-06-12T21:46:11Z

well, I got a job at subway. Not official, but close enough. Glamorous, no?
Christ, Jorge goes back to Colombia too soon. I don't know what the rest of the summer will be like without him. That whole group of friends will shift. Dave, Al, Jorge, Karl, Dom and I, (and sometimes jeff -- he's the Y of our vowel team) won't feel complete without a minority. I'm going to miss him.

Dear Kimber, and those who agree with her

2006-06-03T00:42:00Z

Well put, but I disagree. Sorry, whenever I see livejournal entries about politics, I'm always automatically interested. When I'm interested in a livejournal, I tend to leave my comments. I think people are sick of reading my comments on politics, but I feel compelled to say something when you make such a interesting case going against my own position. I believe every person should think for themselves, stand up for themselves, and hear two sides of a debate, just to get a better understanding. Whether arguing politics in a livejournal comment is appropriate is up for debate, but because it happens so often, I suppose I'll put my two cents.

First of all, I'm confused when you talk about patriotism. Our country was founded on debate, arguments, and the freedom to stand up for whichever side one chooses. Hell, take a look at our legal system. Democracy. The corner stones of our country. Freedom. The first amendment. Our nation became such a great nation BECAUSE of dissent, and the activism that followed. Sure, people have been humiliated in office, whether mayor, governor, president, or congressman, when their ideas for the nation were better than the mass public's general understanding of their policies, and the public retaliated. Still, I think losing a good policy of a president or two is a small price to pay for the freedom to disagree, and to voice the dissent whenever and where ever we want. IE, baseball stadiums. If patriotism were loving whichever administration is in office at the present, and if everybody followed blindly, who knows where our country would be? Still in Vietnam? Still shying away from black civil rights? Still coping with incredible economic depression? Sure, we can approve or disapprove of a president, and elect or knock them out of office by quietly placing a vote. Some people vote, however, not understanding both sides of the argument, and if we were to follow blindly what those in charge say, the democratic system would fail. The people who voice their opinions are the people helping the country and it's principles; by giving an opposing argument, they help the democratic process (Something this administration and it's followers are ironically fighting for abroad.) I'm patriotic to our country, and I believe that I can show my patriotism in many ways. I don't believe that wrapping myself up in our national flag and following the president is patriotism, and I'm sure the founding fathers didn't either. I love my country, not those in power, but my country and it's principles, and if I believe that an administration is somehow mishandling her, I will speak up, and speak up loudly. That's patriotism.
I'm a proud American, but I'm embarrassed by this administration. Are those two contradictory? I think not, and I think that those abroad have more respect for our country -- not to mention the principles we're suddenly fighting for (disregarding the WMD and other falsified reasons for entering in the first place) -- when they see the democratic process working. If all Americans were to work as one giant machine, falling in line behind the president, marching to his beat, his word, and the cable news channels that embrace his policies, we wouldn't be the symbol we strive to be around the world. A symbol of freedom and democracy, and a champion fighter for the right of all citizens to stand up for what they believe, whether in livejournals, voting booths, or baseball stadiums. We're still that shining light -- that wonderful country that others strive to be, as long as the democratic process keeps working.
And where would the respect for our country be if there weren't rules of engagement? Hell, look at what the Haditha fiasco has done to our image of a good intentioned, liberating nation. The rules of engagement are there to keep the respect level -- the pride in our country, if you will -- as high as it can be both at home and abroad. National pride and national honor -- I don't want to lose them any more than you do. Now, the whole idea of "rules of war" seems complicated, and I feel foolish even talking about them, considering I've never been at war, nor faced any combat bigger than two fist fights. I do know, however, that every story of a civilian being shot and killed by an American troop in Iraq makes headline news around the world, and our expressed goal of liberation and democracy there seems less valid. Then again, when we were a young nation fighting for our independence, we broke every rule of war at the time... and won. Americans hid in the trees and fired on British troops who couldn't see them. We were that young nation too once, and we fought the best we could against those damn British invaders. If we want to maintain our image in Iraq of liberators, and not invaders, we have to be as civilized in war as possible, and follow the rules of engagement to keep our message of liberation, hope, and democracy as sincere as it can be.
We might have been able to avoid the quagmire we're in now if we did have more backing, but to get the backing of the other countries, we would have needed a reason to go to war in the first place. Sure, France and Germany both had their own economic interests at stake, and avoided war because of them (now both are celebrated as human rights advocates because of how this whole thing has turned out -- strange) but we had much of the world with us for some time. I don't believe that protests at home are the reason this war has failed. That's almost as bad as the crazy Christians blaming the failure in Iraq on America's tolerance of homosexuality, which is apparently pissing off god, who consequently sabotages our foreign policy. How can we fight for freedom and democracy abroad if we're afraid to embrace it here at home? I wouldn't blame the protesters for the state of the war in Iraq. I'd blame the decision makers above them -- the same people to whom we're supposed to be "patriotic." (I'm sure the quotations are self-explanatory.) They got us into this mess, so why are those who disagree with it being blamed for the spill? Oh, sweet irony.

"You may not agree with everything that's going on, but that certainly doesn't meant you have to stop supporting it. If you hate this country so much, then why do you stay?"

Wow. Where to begin on this one. I think a recap should explain it. Dissent, multifaceted arguments, and discussion = freedom, democracy and the principles of this nation = wanting what's best for the country, even if misguided or unfounded, and putting to practice the freedoms we're fighting for abroad = love for this country, and what's best for it = patriotism = not fleeing when in disagreement, and laughing at the idea of being asked to. I know no one who hates the country. Even if they say they do, they're confused. I know people who hate the policies in place, and some people -- Christians, Jews, Arabs, Gays, Blacks, Latinos, etc -- who hate the culture of this country right now. So why don't they leave? The cultural factor is just as great as the political or economic one (Think of Domko circles, if you had him as a teacher), so why don't we call them unpatriotic for not liking the culture? Why don't we kick out all the Christians who think societies become to filthy? Why don't we kick out all the blacks and minorities who feel disenfranchised? Why don't we kick out the health-nuts who scoff at the obesity epidemic? Why don't we kick out the gays, who dislike the conservative aspect of the culture? Or why don't we kick out the conservatives, who don't enjoy the minority groups, such as Gays?
How is it any different in politics? If we don't like the way things are working, we have a duty to raise our voice for this wonderful country; a duty to stand up for America, and what we think is best for her. It's proposterous to suggest people leave for merely disagreeing. It's everyone's country, no matter which social, economic, or political spectrum they fall on. "Leave if you don't like us." Great, that's what Fidel Castro said. Patriotism indeed.
If I disagree with something a family member is doing, I don't kick them out of my house, no. I try to change them for the better. The Bush administration isn't the family member -- America is. We want to change the country for the better, and perhaps replace the demons in its head with someone who better represents the country's values and ideals. We do this by voicing our opinions, swaying voters, and putting the democratic process to good use. Hell, even if the people voicing their opinions are 5% of the population, with whom I completely disagree, it is their duty to stand up for what they believe in. That's what America's all about. Of course, then we get into the complications of knowing and understanding American values, whether progressive or conservative (I think it's known I'm progressive, but here's a disclaimer just in case), and trying to change the country for the better. Still... every voice counts. I say to Americans -- DONT SHUT UP. FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. Those are our universal American values, whether that fight be for freedom and democracy in Iraq, or for a change in government. Patriotism is speaking up.
Lastly, I'll end by the closing quote of your own livejournal. "I'm sure you'll find that no other country could be as generous and prosperous as this - which might not be the case if we don't stand up for democracy and for the old ideals of America."
Indeed.

(Side-note: I should point out that there are many other countries we could be fighting in right now, so why'd we choose Iraq to blossom into a democratic nation? Why that country over all the others currently living in economic and political destitution? And how is that defending us?)

noahwanebo @ 2006-05-25T02:18:00

2006-05-25T08:19:39Z

The "Da Vinci Code" was entertaining, I'll admit. But it wasn't worth the hype surrounding it, nor profound enough to throw an entire Christian culture into panic over their lunch-room religion. So why did it? I haven't read the book, so I'm surely missing half the story, though I got a nice two and half hour summary in the AMC at flatirons, and I must say, I'm unimpressed.
I am, however, glad that I got out and spent the nine bucks (nine bucks that would have been 8.50, had Emily not charged me a service fee) to see a summer blockbuster with my Holy Family pals. Grace dropped me off at the circle in front of the building, and as I walked toward the central plaza from a car I didn't drive, I got a massive wave of nostalgia for those Freshman nights we spent there. The repetitive weekends we lived for, strolling the mall, both inside and out, with Christie Johnson, Stockhausen, and the rest of our early high school crew. We always ended up at the AMC, where we'd argue over the seating arrangement and giggle through a b-grade comedy. The night wouldn't be complete, of course, if we didn't make our way to the Red Robin next door (the only Red Robin I've ever entered) to wait for our various rides home.
Something about that time period has always been special to me; something about who I was and how I saw the world. My responsibilities were few, my thoughts were expanding, and I approached the news, drugs, music, school, books, history, movies, and my life with a profound sense of excitement. My world felt new. I was still recuperating from middle school, so the new-found confidence in friends and the direction of my life was a wonderful splash of water on my face. I woke up from my droning tween seclusion to a fantastic place; a world of endless possibilities, where all my ambitions were possible and my life was extremely important.
I would sit in my basement, my eyes bloodshot and my ears ringing, and I would prophesize with Ewing about culture and existence, and of the possibility of knowing that one cosmic Truth to a question we would strive to ask. That sense of infinite knowledge, waiting to be discovered by anyone daring enough to smoke weed or trip out on stolen bottles of DXM. Yellow Submarine would play throughout the night, streaming from one of many illegally downloaded Kazaa files, and the TV would play the up-and-coming adult swim shows -- shows undiscovered and unpopular at the time, which only added to our sense of obscurity and self-importance. Life on the edge of my mind was a sometimes frightening one to live. I balanced my inhibitions and stranger sense of reality with the customary staples of a modern teen, consciously or not. Drunken nights on stolen liquor, coughing hits from a soda can, high school drama, lunch table hierarchies, and those repetitive movie nights helped to round out my life. The perfect balance. That feeling of adventure and mystery and drugs and philosophy, tethered constantly to that steady, consistently cliché high school life. That normal scene was my life-line, keeping me from wandering too far into the unknown, yet giving me the permission to venture past the boundaries of a skin-deep world.
I miss that sense of adventure, and the security that came with it. I miss the balance, and all those who helped to keep it level. Emily, Alex, Marty -- all were extremely important to me, and I let them go when I went through Spain and the depression thereafter. Maybe it wasn't Spain or depression that changed me. Maybe I changed, and it caused the latter and provoked the former. Maybe I grew up, and now I'm longing for who I used to be. Perhaps it's age that changed me. The world is different now. I'm different. I don't enjoy who I am as much as who I was, but I'm happy that I took something from those times. That sense of the world, which may only creep up when I'm high or energized, has remained in me, and it won't soon be forgotten.
Of course, not all this flooded through my mind while I searched for Emily and the others outside The "Da Vinci Code." The words didn't, at least. Just the nostalgia, and the memory of a time I'll always cherish.

noahwanebo @ 2006-05-15T17:33:00

2006-05-15T23:34:18Z

I wish Holy Family was over after finals. They keep dragging out graduation with crap like this.

noahwanebo @ 2006-05-07T22:03:00

2006-05-08T04:22:39Z

Body Worlds.
I would recommend it to anybody who wants to see real inside-out plasticized men and women stuck in an iceskating position forever while staring blankly at you and the rest of the crowd as everybody meanders through the crowded exhibit. I haven't smoked a cigarette since friday -- an achievement I owe to the museum and the blatantly blackened lungs in certain bodies there -- and I don't know if I'll smoke again anytime soon. I lit a cigarette Saturday morning, though I didn't get further than two drags before I put it out and had to brush my teeth. Yes, I admit it: Body Worlds impacted me.

...gross. This is 20 cigarettes a day -- I smoke about three -- though there were bodies at the exhibit with little black blotches in the lungs from sporadic life-time smoking; something I'll surely have if I persist.
I recommend it to everyone.

noahwanebo @ 2006-05-07T15:30:00

2006-05-07T21:29:37Z

The final stretch.

noahwanebo @ 2006-05-01T23:26:00

2006-05-02T05:38:37Z

My dogs slaughtered a little shivering nest of bunnies this morning.
It's interesting how we personify dogs; how we forget their natural instincts. We give them names and cuddle with them. We scratch behind their ears and watch them wrestle together on lazy summer days. We train them and watch their tails wag when we approach. We forget that they're hunters at heart, and that even the inbred stupidity of the common golden can never completely stifle its instincts. They aren't our creations, built to entertain us, comfort us, and accompany us when we're alone. Dogs aren't teddy bears; they don't lie dormant until the car pulls up. They're wolves. Retarded wolves.

I love my dogs. I prefer to not think about it.

(My mind went off in a million ways after this happened. It even delved into politics and the validity of the conservative culture. Don't ask me how, or how to repeat it, because I can't remember.)

noahwanebo @ 2006-04-27T19:27:00

2006-04-28T01:27:41Z

http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/leonardcohenimyourman/medium.html

Opening night, anyone?

noahwanebo @ 2006-04-17T23:02:00

2006-04-18T05:08:31Z

Only a few weeks left at Holy Family and I still don't have my apostalic ministry done. I'm going to start getting detentions (assuming I don't already have them) and it'll be a race against time to finish the 7 hours of community service required to graduate. On top of that, there's the pressure of this final academic push, and it won't end until May 19th -- the first real day of summer vacation. What's more, I have to do my spanish video, get ready for prom, and look for a summer job. On top of everything, we have various activities in and out of school, and I have to keep a series of letters, permission slips, and papers organized.

...I can't even find socks in the morning.
This will be a stressful conclusion to Holy Family.

noahwanebo @ 2006-04-13T20:24:00

2006-04-13T20:51:11Z

ateeeheehee.

I've decided those SQUAAAARES (squaaares) who bash livejournal are dumb. stupid. They talk about livejournal being lame, pretentious, emo, and conformist. Every one of those adjectives can be completely true, but that's not the point. Livejournals are looked down upon for many reasons, including ones that don't revolve around those adjectives attributed to the writers. Livejournal has created its own little society of people who like to write, post, and see what other people are writing. I don't see any problem with that. I see no problem with a program that -- in contrast to most activities online -- fosters growth, better writing (better, not good), and thought. If not those, then fuck it, it's a place to just write what happened during the day and giggle at it. It's just a program, and people use it for their own wants n' needs. I do believe that most of those bashings come from people who don't like to read entire entries revolving around the writer (such as the one below). This doesn't make sense to me. Sure, you don't have to like reading personal entries, but why the hell do you look at livejournals? I think the name's a good indication of what you're getting yourself into: Livejournals. And, with that in mind, what's so wrong with people who like to organize their thoughts, tell their day, look inside themselves, giggle, and benifit from posting it publicly? The whole point of livejournal is to say "hey, I really don't care who reads this, but if you want to, it's here." Why read it, my friend, if you just anger yourself? Take a midol and stop whining. Sure, I skip over people's livejournals because of everything mentioned above, or because the topic/person is completely uninteresting. I don't hate livejournal though. I actually enjoy it.
Another problem, of course, is that people might hype up their "bad" situations to look like the apocalypse. More power to them! Maybe it DOES feel like the apocalypse for them right there and then, and they get it off their chest by writing it that way. People compare life situations to eachother and scoff at the people who have petty problems but complain just as much. I say MORE POWER TO THEM! The whole point of a journal -- live or not -- is to get shit off your chest, and if something is bothering someone, whether it be a splinter or the mass murder of their family, let them vent! Let them giggle! It's nothing but a blank page, and it's your choice to read or not.
Everyone recognizes what they have in life, and usually they recognize how lucky they really are. I know I do. I love my life. That doesn't mean I have to refrain from writing whenever I'm burdened/pissed/bored/angry/happy/sad, and it'd do you well to remember that. You can't take those rants out of context and label the writer a ______. It's pure ventalation. If you know me, for example, I'm a pretty upbeat, happy kid. You wouldn't guess that from my livejournals, of course, because I use them to VENT. To organize my thoughts and emotions and the various other un-manly things that can't be displayed at school. So please, remember what a livejournal is, what it isn't, and the context of it all.

...pricks.

noahwanebo @ 2006-04-11T19:36:00

2006-04-12T01:35:49Z

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I've come here to talk to you about Noah. As most of you well know, Noah is getting out of control; he's physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and intellectually losing his grasp, and I think we all know it's time for a change. Now, as everybody present can attest to, any attempt at personal change is a long, arduous journey, riddled with questions, temptations, and various boundaries to all the levels mentioned above. Change does not come easily, though when it does the rewards far outweigh the efforts to attain them; "the juice is worth the squeeze," as a terrible movie so tastefully pointed out. But not every effort can be met. Every aspect of Noah needs to work coherently in order for the proactive process to take place, and not every one of those aspects -- nay, none of them -- are at their best, nor willing to work together. Noah and his characteristics are far too self-aware when not completely repressed, and his actions don't reflect any sign of a positive shift. A masochist-narcissist who doesn't love himself nor touch his flesh with razor blades cannot be convinced of his shortcomings, nor be told he’s anything better than his own distorted self-view. A walking contradiction can’t be convinced of his chaotic existence, nor told that he makes sense. He has to change from the inside out, and nobody’s opinion can affect this man who -- in consistency with his inconsistencies -- cares so much how people view him. His inward journey towards outward change must be an act of the will, and his will alone.
Noah is emotionally vacant. He goes through the day with unwavering apathy, though he's struck with intense emotional punches at the most inopportune moments. Never is there one consistent emotion, but rather hoards of them streaming through his bloodstream at the same time. Immense happiness will quickly be followed by anger, which gives out to sadness shortly there after. The order changes, the timing is never consistent, and far more emotions sneak in between, but one thing is for certain: Noah's emotional tides roll out and in together, leaving moments of unadulterated apathy and intense bouts of any feeling, alternatively.
Mentally and intellectually, Noah is as blank as his emotions -- this a stark contrast to his Sophomore and Junior year spark, which helped him throw his interest into anything and everything that crossed his path. Now his interests have all dulled down, and his mind uses more energy trying to find it's old self than it does casting curiosity to the subjects that used to bite; with the guitar lying dormant, his video camera collecting dust, the newspaper going untouched, and Newsweek going unread, he's sunk to the new low. The snowboard's been used a mere five times this year, and without the constant challenge of Spanish -- a luxury he became accustomed to in Spain -- his mind feels withered and deflated. With his interests all uninteresting now, and his mind completely unchallenged, he's becoming dull. School cannot turn that around, nor can any intervention from the outside worls. His friends are of no help, and his family is not one to turn to at these times -- it is burdoned already by other factors. The spark needs to re-ignite on its own, setting Noah's mind back into motion. Unfortunately, the spark is hard to find, and even harder to rediscover.
Noah's mind is blank until 10 P.M. on weeknights, at which point it races like a hornets nest until the time he falls asleep. This unfortunate internal clock keeps any creativity from flowing at the prime hours of the day, instead leaving his mind to race and pester at the hours it should be settling down. It simply stagnates at the busy school hours, and he keeps up with his reading, news, and writing, at the hours he should be asleep. Unfortunate, though common in youth.
coinciding with the mental/intellectual level, Noah's spirituality is suddenly wavering. This waver is from atheist to agnostic, though he never leans far enough to touch on the outer ridges -- or better yet, the exiled -- sects of the catholic church. His reasoning contradicts his spirituality, and his thought process is on a completely secular level, though he still sometimes gets strange emotions and argues (with himself) that there is, in fact, a higher power; that everything came from something, and while that something isn't the old, bearded, judgmental, dogmatic, and vengeful god, it very well may be a force greater than mankind. An unexplainable one, but one nonetheless. His concrete spirituality is far from being established, and most likely never will be -- unless, of course, he gives in to the temptations of easy answers, such as churches, atheism, or settling for agnosticism.
Physically, Noah is at his worst. The main problems, of course, are that he's overweight and smokes cigarettes daily. With cigarettes, he convinces his mental side that they're nothing but a choice, and he chooses to smoke daily. He knows, however, that he very well may be addicted, and that his addiction is deeper than he thought. He can convince himself that it's all a choice, he can convince himself that he's addicted, or he can convince himself that he chose to be addicted. The truth is he knows he's addicted, denies it, and tells other people he's addicted to stay out of arguments revolving around something only he could know. Aside from the cigarettes, he jumps at any (easy) chance he has to consume drugs, including alcohol. He smokes whenever it's available, though he doesn't go on a hunt for it. He drinks when he has no responsibilities to drive or operate heavy machinery, but he also respects his familial/academic responsibilities and tries to complete them before consuming anything. He's balanced out his academic, family, and "good" life with the rare but extremely entertaining life of alcohol, weed, cigarettes*, and "parties." While this good attribute is noteworthy, it doesn't change the fact that he does, occasionally, poison his body, and he brings himself closer to lung cancer every day with his box of Camels/Marlboros. On a less important but still noteworthy level, Noah rarely gets more than 6 hours of sleep on a school night, which renders him blank in class the following day. Every day is that following day.
As we can clearly see, Noah needs work on more than one aspect of his being. Noah recognizes this, though doesn't see any imminent threat in not changing them, so he changes nothing about his mentality, life, or lifestyle. This knowledge of problems and the need to change them is common in many young people, and Noah is no exception to this, nor is he alone in his stance of apathy towards self change. It all must come from within, and Noah’s internally tangled. Noah knows that life is good to him, and that he has much more than many people could ask for on all the levels mentioned above, including some not mentioned, such as financially. He knows that nothing's perfect in life, and that there is no ideal person. He's studied, my friends, because he has been better on every level mentioned than he is now, and he strives to be as good as he know he can be; not surpass it to achieve superhuman qualities, nor immortal answers to every cosmic and personal question. He has been better, and he knows the steps to change always begin with an analysis, such as this entry.
It’s hoped, my friends, that the Summer -- the most wonderful season, in all of its bright, yellow glory -- will lift Noah from any seasonal or situational depression currently burdening him, and somehow give him the strength to jump out of his abysmal state into the life he knows he should be living.